Simple musings

Today I got a job. I had a same-day interview that lasted 20 minutes, and now I have part-time employment. It’s a tutoring gig at a learning center. I’m happy for the opportunity to work in my field.

Today has just been an odd day, and I think I have been trying to stay ‘busy’ to avoid something. I’m not sure what I’m trying to avoid, but I’ve been stuffing my days full of social interaction. I am doing a lot without actually achieving anything, and I’m not sure why. I still feel at peace about where I am, but once again, the river of my life is at a lull. I don’t like silence. I don’t like stillness. I need to learn to like it because I know I need it. Sometimes I’m able to make myself like things I know I need. I prefer water to soda because a long time ago I learned that soda is bad for and water is good for you (as well as being less expensive than soda). But I don’t know how to stay still, and I don’t know how to make myself enjoy the stillness.

My plans for tomorrow got cancelled, and now I don’t know what to do with myself. I think maybe I’ll do some writing, and maybe I’ll do some more spring cleaning, and maybe I’ll get my tire patched, and maybe I’ll do a whole bunch of things that I’ve had on a to do list for weeks. I don’t know. Not knowing what to do makes me nervous.

I haven’t given too much more thought to my options for relocating. I have half a mind to join the Peace Corps. I’m submitting that idea to God for review. I’m looking for organic ways to learn to interact with God and move forward in who he made me to be. I don’t know what those will be, but I’m following the peace I have found. I may not have much to write about for a while because nothing is happening, and while I’m nervous about that, I’m also learning not to look at that. I’m learning not to look for my growth. Watching a sapling does nothing to make it grow into a tree. Who knows? I may write about things other than myself for a while. I think I’ve hit the cap of what self-reflection can do for now, and that’s ok. It’s beautiful. Now, I pray that I can recognize the seasons I am in as they come.


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