Reflections on things that matter.
I recently had a really bad attack of lethargy. It wasn’t just laziness, it was a soul-stifling, body-numbing heaviness so similar to depression that it vary well may be vestiges of the depression I have dealt with in the past. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t care about anything…I just wanted to sleep. That familiar hopelessness tried to creep in too, and for several days I could get nothing done. No school work got done. No cleaning got done. No cooking got done. No working out was accomplished. For 4 weeks, I had been in high-performance mode, but last weekend I crashed, and I am just now putting myself back together.
A few things have been helping me get moving.
I have made statements at the beginning of each day like “if I can just get this test submitted, I will have accomplished something.” This gives me a doable task. Just one. Baby steps.
Things I want to get done, but don’t think I have the energy to do get put on a list. Sometimes, the list starts off with things like “shower, brush teeth, and leave the house.” Yes, it’s been that bad plenty of times. The list provides me with those all-important goals that make me look forward and not stay stagnant.
This is one of the most important things. Sometimes we just can’t. Some times we just “can’t even.” But being around or exposing yourself to others who have motivation, goals and forward motion changes your mood and your mode. Recently, I have been watching a few youtube daily vlogging families. Watching the *Nive Nulls and *GabeBabeTV has given me motivation to do things, because the vloggers are doing thing that are productive. They look so happy and mobile, and I think “I could be that way too!” I also like taking advice from motivational people. Many people have said this before, but most recently I was watching videos from *Nerd HQ, hosted by Zachary Levi, and he said, talking about smiling, that doing things you don’t necessarily feel like doing can often change your mood or attitude towards that thing. For instance, smiling when you are in a bad mood changes your mood a little bit, and that little bit of momentum is sometimes all you need.
Let’s face it: we need each other. We can’t do life in a vacuum. I have a very bad track record of maintaining personal motivation and momentum, so I need other people to hold me responsible. That is where this blog is coming in today. When I know other people see who I am and what I do, I want to be a better me and do what I do with more heart and motivation. So I those of you who read my blog, keep me accountable! I’m going to be posting a lot more. Some short posts, some long ones. Some personal, some theoretical. When you see me doing things, even if you don’t read the whole post, let me know you see me, because chances are, it was a battle to get me here. I’m still in recovery from different emotional traumas, and sometimes it gets hard out of nowhere. Thanks to everyone who reads my blog.
*The Nive Nulls: https://www.youtube.com/user/thenivenulls
(1st Conversation with Zac 2014)