Pensive Ponderings

Reflections on things that matter.

Church-Hurt: Back to the Body

stained-glass-broken

I am taking a bit of a break from NaPoWriMo today because to be quite honest, I am burned out on poetry. Don’t get me wrong, I love poetry. I love a well-worded piece that’s potent and poignant (alliteration…maybe I’m not burned out on poetry). But poetry in large quantities does something to me that I don’t particularly like. Poetry keeps me focused on how I feel, so writing nothing but poetry this month has gotten me used to feeling my emotions, but it has also gotten me used to not thinking. I’ve been “thinking” about how I feel, but honestly, my own personal feelings are a small world for my mind to live in. It is incredibly restricting, almost to the point of being crippling. Good writers use feelings; lesser writers worship them.

So today, I have decided to write about somethings I’ve been thinking about: Church-hurt. Those of you who have been following my emotional and spiritual journey over the past year or so will remember that I went through a spell where I had to step away from church. I had a fight with God, I had beef with his people, and I was confused about myself. These circumstances drove me to isolate myself and figure out a few things about who I am and who I think God is. That time was well spent, but recently I have begun to feel myself getting weary of my own company, so I have begun to throw myself back into Christian fellowship. Months ago, I would have flown from churches like a bat out of hell. I, like many people today, have had some serious church-hurt. But God has started dealing with me.

No matter how spiritual I think I am (been saved since I was a kid), and no matter how learned I am in scripture (I have a Masters degree in theology), I can’t sustain myself as a Christian. I could try to say “hey, Jesus and I have it covered,” but honestly, Jesus has his end, but I don’t have mine. Jesus never said for me to go it alone with him. “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you'” (1 Corinthians 12:21). God’s church is a body, so I would be foolish to try to exist as a single celled organism. God’s will for me is to be a part of his body, and that means that once I heal from my offense and church hurt, I need to plug back into the body.

There is one great benefit to experiencing church-related offense: there is an opportunity for major growth beyond it. No church is perfect, but God is. If I trust him (which is a journey in and of itself), I will trust that he will take care of me in the midst of imperfect people and flawed systems. In fact, how is the system ever going to get fixed if the people who have first-hand experience with the problem all abandon ship instead of using what they know to fix the problem? Offense will come. Jesus said it would, but if God truly works all things together for our good, then offense is more than hurt: it is an opportunity for spiritual maturity.

I have learned and am still learning that none of this process is easy or fun, but it is rewarding when you can begin to see how God is teaching you and growing you. God is working in you, and you see glimpses of his Glory in the process of restoration. If you have been hurt by church, don’t say things like “I’m never going back.” Take your time. Heal and forgive, and keep looking to Jesus. He may keep you out for a while, but as you heal, chances are, he will begin drawing you (against your better judgment) back into fellow ship with the Body. They key, though, is to listen to Him.

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3 comments on “Church-Hurt: Back to the Body

  1. sacredstruggler
    April 23, 2015

    While I never say “I’m never going back” I certainly am in no rush to get back to church right now. I don’t feel out of fellowship with a body though. I just had to find a different body. In fact, going to church makes me feel as though I am out of fellowship because of how far apart my views tend to be from any church that I’ve attended. Anyways, love the tone of your post. Makes reading it really enjoyable.
    Blessings on your journey.

    • Pensive Ponderings
      April 23, 2015

      I can understand that. For a while, I felt similar. I still feel like many of my views are different from those of the church I attend. God drew me back anyway, but that’s because my season to be alone, to be restored, to be able to breathe, had drawn to a natural close. While I was in it, I felt positively sick trying to force myself into a church setting. Every season is important, especially the ones where we’re alone. My caution is simply to be open to God’s leading if and when he does draw you back in. Thank you so much for your input!

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This entry was posted on April 23, 2015 by in God and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , .
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