Reflections on things that matter.
To all of the people who have followed me, I’m sorry I haven’t written in nearly 3 months! I got a job and IT ATE MY LIFE! I have hinted at this fact in my more recent blogs (book reviews for summer reading) but I don’t think I have chronicled the process that got me to this point, so here it is.
After I graduated with my MA in March, I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do next and I was scared. I was minimally employed as a part-time English tutor making $10 and working some times as little as 2 hours a week. So I did the practical and responsible thing: I started looking for jobs and applying for anything and everything in the area that I was qualified for. But nothing ever panned out and the entire process just stressed me out. I strongly considered going into ministry, but for some reason, I couldn’t commit to the application process for any of the ministries I liked, and the one ministry I applied to didn’t hire me. That was supremely discouraging, but I won’t go into that.
At first I didn’t want to even look for jobs in teaching, but I remember very clearly the day that while praying/journaling, God spoke to my heart (I hate that term, but it’s true) and basically told me that’s what he was going to have me do. And the crazy thing: I KNEW it was going to happen. I think this might have been the first real experience I have had in my adult Christian life where I knew that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that what God told me in prayer was going to happen. God had planted a direction in my heart and had also given me the faith to see it.
Now, it has been 5 years since I graduated with my teaching license and 4 years since I have been in a (college) classroom as a teacher. I told myself after college that teaching wasn’t for me, so needless to say I was terrified. But that KNOWING was in me, and I couldn’t ignore it.
So I started applying for teaching jobs. I looked everywhere in my city. No jobs for English teachers. I started looking outside of my city. The closest jobs were over an hour away and I don’t currently have a commute-worthy vehicle, so those were a stretch, but God had told me that I was going to teach, so I applied anyway. But even with that supernatural faith, this process was causing me HUGE amounts of anxiety.
Then, God pretty much told me to stop applying. Period.
“God, you want me to work, right? She who does not work does not eat! How can I work if I don’t apply?” That’s what I was thinking, but I had no peace about applying anywhere, so…I just stopped. It makes no natural sense, but I stopped applying to everything.
And within a month of that, I had a job interview at a Christian school.
IT DOESN’T MAKE NATURAL SENSE!
(I’ll probably write a whole blog just on this, but for now, know that faith is currently blowing my mind).
I’m now employed at a school that allows me to both teach and minister to kids I love. The major part of my heart that has been yearning for a sense of meaning and purpose is being satisfied beyond what I could have imagined 6 months ago when I felt purposeless and frustrated. I’m employed, my soul is aware of the fact that I am where I’m supposed to be, and I am seeing the fruit of my labor. I have good days and bad days, but ultimately GOD HAS BEEN SO GOOD TO ME.
A year ago, I would have scoffed at this testimony, at anyone claiming tht “God told them” anything. But now it has happened to me. I am his child and I know his voice, and I am not only hearing from God, but I am seeing him bring his word to pass RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME and IN MY OWN LIFE. God has once again proven to me that he is GOOD and that he is near, perpetually.
More to come on developments of my life. Thanks to everyone who reads this. I’m alive and well, and I hope not to neglect the blog anymore from this point on.
Regina, the Pensive Ponderer