The Idealist and Carnival Fish

Today I am feeling inspired.
In fact, today apathy is fired.
Today I can see
where I want to be,
And I’ll do anything that’s required.

But today never lasts till tomorrow,
When all that optimism seems borrowed.
But when the loan is called in,
I can’t borrow again,
And bankruptcy is soon to follow.

I’m not an apathetic person.
I just feel like I am a pathetic person.
And my attitude may worsen,
Might even take to cursin’
If my disappointments continue to to rob me of my person.

Like, when did I become so unfocused and so shallow?
I used to scuba-dive into the very depths of what is hallowed.
But I’ve been fallowed.
I feel stripped of all the richness in my soul’s soil.
And I’ve been fruitless for so long I don’t know how to toil.

Though Today I feel inspired, by tonight I’ll feel dread.
Because carnival fish always very quickly end up dead.
I named my goldfish Hope and took her home to keep her fed,
but I’m familiar with the pattern, and the warning signs are red.

I got her from the carnival when everything felt great.
A whirlwind of excitement and enjoyment from the gate.
I won her at a tossing game.
There was no way to tell
that after such a mighty win things wouldn’t turn out well.
I found her floating belly up inside her bowl next day.
She and her cousin optimism had to be flushed away.
Did I mention her name was Hope? Properly, she’s Hope #5,
and by now I should stop hoping to keep on keeping Hope alive.

But today I feel inspired
Or at least I would.
But I can’t deny the damage done by hoping for the good.
And the rational reaction to my rate of ruin should
Keep me far away from carnivals and ring toss games for good.

So why are these rings in my hand.
Oh well here we go again.
After all, it’s today,
And today I feel inspired.
And the hope inside this moment is the hope that I require.
And she may come around tomorrow, but for now melancholy is fired.

No my name is not Dory, and I do not suffer from short-term memory loss.
I haven’t forgotten Hopes one through four and five that I have lost.
And I am not masochistic, I don’t enjoy the rush of pain.
And it’s not that I don’t feel the disappointment over again.

It’s that today I am inspired,
and in this blinding flash of light,
I believe there is something to be gained out of this fight.
I believe their is sun right after rain and after night.
I believe that one day Hope can live the whole way through the night.
And in spite of all the disappointment, things will be all right.

Because right now I know the one who can make things for me all right.
That is why today I am inspired.


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